I haven't slept for more than three hours at a time for the past three nights.
This is evidenced by my lack of blog posts and also my inability to put two thoughts together which is why I almost washed my hair with shaving cream this morning. Fantastic!
The first sleepless night was my own fault, when I conked out at 11:00 and forgot to set an alarm to wake up and give Naomi her dream feeding. The dream feeding usually gives her enough gumption to make it until 4:30 or 5:30 (she goes down by 10:00pm). However, without the dream feeding, she was ready to eat by 2:00. Not a huge deal, except I've kind of gotten used to that nice little chunk of sleep. So, I stumbled to her room and fed her. And she was ready to eat again at 5:00, like usual. Sweet! And then again at 7:00. The next night was just weird. I was so tired, SO TIRED, my eyes hurt all day. When I finally crashed (AFTER the dream feeding), I randomly woke up at 2:00. For no reason. When that happens, I typically try to be conscientious of who is coming to my mind and then pray for them. I did just that, but then I laid there until 3:00. Then at 4:30, Cub came into our room, wide awake, wanting to crawl into bed with us. This kid usually sleeps until 8:30. WHAT THE HECK! I sent him back to bed. He came back at 5:00. I sent him back to bed. Naomi woke up at 5:15, ready for a feeding. Cub came into our room again at 6:00, was sent back to bed again, and I shook my sleeping husband awake and said YOU ARE ON DUTY, MOM IS GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER FOR ONE HOUR.
Then Naomi woke up at 7:00, ready to eat.
Then last night we were at the lake and Naomi was just all screwed up. No routine, no sleep pattern, nothing. She woke up periodically all night, until I finally brought her back to bed with me at 4:00 where we both tossed and turned until 7:00 (my husband had to work and wasn't with us). Yippee!
I finally broke down and cried tonight to my husband. I'm just tired. That's all there is to it. But ugh, I can't take much more of this not sleeping. It's like being on petocin while in labor--your body just doesn't have time to fully rest before you're right back in it again. I hadn't whined to my husband or woken him up (he could sleep through a semi carrying nuclear artillery blasting through our bedroom wall) because I wanted to handle it myself. It's my job, you know? Let the poor man sleep.
Well, tonight, he might just get a tap on the shoulder from myself. I'm not Superwoman.
While I am tired and frustrated and expended, I also find my mind drifting to the time when we won't have these battles anymore. I know Naomi will be sleeping through the night soon, whether it's in a few weeks or months. And Cub won't want to crawl into bed with us in a few years. Either way, it's still SOON. And my heart kind of breaks with the thought of this phase being over. Especially since we don't plan on having any more children (which could totally change, I realize), but then this stage is REALLY over. And I will long for those sweet moments again, rocking my baby girl and cuddling with my precious boy.
It makes me sad.
Kids, I tell ya.
This is the hardest and most wonderful time in our lives. I never knew it was possible.
I wouldn't trade it for a thing.