Friday, July 30, 2010

I Can't Even Think of a Title.


I haven't slept for more than three hours at a time for the past three nights.

This is evidenced by my lack of blog posts and also my inability to put two thoughts together which is why I almost washed my hair with shaving cream this morning. Fantastic!

The first sleepless night was my own fault, when I conked out at 11:00 and forgot to set an alarm to wake up and give Naomi her dream feeding. The dream feeding usually gives her enough gumption to make it until 4:30 or 5:30 (she goes down by 10:00pm). However, without the dream feeding, she was ready to eat by 2:00. Not a huge deal, except I've kind of gotten used to that nice little chunk of sleep. So, I stumbled to her room and fed her. And she was ready to eat again at 5:00, like usual. Sweet! And then again at 7:00. The next night was just weird. I was so tired, SO TIRED, my eyes hurt all day. When I finally crashed (AFTER the dream feeding), I randomly woke up at 2:00. For no reason. When that happens, I typically try to be conscientious of who is coming to my mind and then pray for them. I did just that, but then I laid there until 3:00. Then at 4:30, Cub came into our room, wide awake, wanting to crawl into bed with us. This kid usually sleeps until 8:30. WHAT THE HECK! I sent him back to bed. He came back at 5:00. I sent him back to bed. Naomi woke up at 5:15, ready for a feeding. Cub came into our room again at 6:00, was sent back to bed again, and I shook my sleeping husband awake and said YOU ARE ON DUTY, MOM IS GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER FOR ONE HOUR.

Then Naomi woke up at 7:00, ready to eat.

Then last night we were at the lake and Naomi was just all screwed up. No routine, no sleep pattern, nothing. She woke up periodically all night, until I finally brought her back to bed with me at 4:00 where we both tossed and turned until 7:00 (my husband had to work and wasn't with us). Yippee!

I finally broke down and cried tonight to my husband. I'm just tired. That's all there is to it. But ugh, I can't take much more of this not sleeping. It's like being on petocin while in labor--your body just doesn't have time to fully rest before you're right back in it again. I hadn't whined to my husband or woken him up (he could sleep through a semi carrying nuclear artillery blasting through our bedroom wall) because I wanted to handle it myself. It's my job, you know? Let the poor man sleep.

Well, tonight, he might just get a tap on the shoulder from myself. I'm not Superwoman.

While I am tired and frustrated and expended, I also find my mind drifting to the time when we won't have these battles anymore. I know Naomi will be sleeping through the night soon, whether it's in a few weeks or months. And Cub won't want to crawl into bed with us in a few years. Either way, it's still SOON. And my heart kind of breaks with the thought of this phase being over. Especially since we don't plan on having any more children (which could totally change, I realize), but then this stage is REALLY over. And I will long for those sweet moments again, rocking my baby girl and cuddling with my precious boy.

It makes me sad.

Crazy, huh.

Kids, I tell ya.

This is the hardest and most wonderful time in our lives. I never knew it was possible.

I wouldn't trade it for a thing.


  1. My sister had her boys 2 years apart. She said the first few years are a little tough, but she wouldn't change it for the world now because they play so well together now and are very close. This too shall pass(what my mama always tells me). :)

  2. katie,
    i'm not trying to tell you how to parent or think (great way to start a comment, huh? :)), but i really don't think it is "your job" to handle the kids in the middle of the night all by yourself. james and i have always split up the night duties no matter if one of us had to go to work the next day or what. you are a great wife and mom, but you need help!! i know josh is a great help, but don't be afraid to ask for more than an hour break! you deserve a night or two off.

    p.s. your kids are so cute! i think naomi looks just like you!!


  4. I see what you are saying, Silvy (after I read how I wrote that, I knew someone would comment on it!)! I've always felt that since I stay at home with the kids while Josh gets up and goes to work, I should handle the middle of the night stuff since it is more than likely that I'll be able to catch up on sleep sometime during the day, whereas my husband cannot. However, we've had countless nights where Josh has been right there with me, helping with the kids (now that we have two, he almost always takes over Cub duties at night--that one night where Cub woke up at 4:30 was just weird, and I didn't think to ask for his help). Weekends are always a different story--we split the help, unless it has to do with feedings, which he obviously can't do right now (even if he had a bottle, I'd be so engorged I'd wake up anyway)!!

    Anyway. Long explanation. To sum it up: Yes, he is eager to help, No, I'm not good at asking for it. :)

  5. When my son was born 5 weeks early and the doctors decided that he could come home I was ecstatic. That is for the first 24 hours. We had to set an alarm to feed him every 3 hours exactly. Then when he was fed it literally took him an hour to take the bottle because his suck reflex was so weak (he wouldn't even drink a full ounce). I was also trying to pump so he could have some breast milk. My husband did help me, but when he went back to work I wanted to do it so he could sleep. Needless to say I was not getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. After two weeks of this I was borderline psychotic (and I'm not kidding). I was almost delusional and thankfully (in retrospect) I lost it. It was then I realized that yes my husband had to work, but I could not single handedly do everything. Also, I started resting during the day - which was unheard of for me. Obviously, you have two kids to care for, but try to rest when they nap. Also my son is a good sleeper too (although he's up by 6:45 every morning), but when he starts getting up and down at night there is usually something going on. Once he had strep and another time he was scared of something. When he starts that I cover him in extra prayer. Sorry for the long comment, and sorry you're so tired. At least you know it won't last forever.

  6. I love how you always have a positive spin on things. Hope you got some rest this weekend!

  7. You seem to really thrive on routine, just based on your past blogs, so I hate that everything seems to be outta whack for ya...

    I don't know what I would do if I didn't get the sleep I needed for the day. Haven't had to deal with that much. We did have about a week of Bubba not wanting to go into his bed, so I just brought his mattress into my room for the next week, then put it back...I don't know why, maybe he just needed reassurance, but he goes into his bed now. I also bought night lights and placed them through the house so he can see. He was getting up about 3AM'ish' and it didn't matter if I put him back to bed, he would continue to get up. Now he doesn't do that. (I read it could be nightmares, but who knows.) Also, I think it helped Bubba to see me go into bed for bedtime's just part of our routine now.

    Mikayla sleeps in bed with us to nurse, it works GREAT for me and Mike doesn't even notice cause the bed is so big. I know that doesn't appeal to some moms, and believe me, it didn't for me either, but now - it works. And I love things that work :-) And I especially love the amount of sleep I get in a night.

    Hope you get some sleep soon - I know this time while they're little bitty is all too precious and being sleep deprived, you might miss something...And if it were me, that would make me very sad. Because it is going by FASTER with two, much faster. I just give myself pep talks that it's not really...makes me feel better. :-)

  8. Just now reading this post and am now so impressed that you were able to join us for lunch looking so lovely and carrying on a conversation without face planting into your sandwich :) Sure hope the weekend provided some relief and rest from the craziness.

    And for what it is worth, I TOTALLY get what you're saying about not waking Josh up to help at night. I'm the same way with Jonathan since he has to get up each day and sit through a LECTURE without falling asleep! (I can hardly make it through a sermon at church without nodding off these days!) I have some chance of getting a nap during the day...he never I only wake him up if I'm really desperate. And we know from my recent blog post that he surely isn't going to wake up on his own! ;)