On the night of Cub's first birthday last week, I sat in the bathroom, nervously eyeing the pregnancy test setting next to me on the counter. I took a deep breath and said a prayer. I prayed for calm nerves and, most importantly, peace. Peace with whatever the test revealed. I thanked God for the life I had now--for our home, our family. And I told Him I was truly satisfied with my life and grateful for it. I again took a deep breath, and this time it was out of contentment. Life is good. And I'm so thankful for what we have.
And the test was positive.
I gasped. The tears rushed to my face before I could stop them and I laughed and sobbed at the same time. My poor husband came running into the bathroom to check on me and, not wanting to ruin the surprise, I said (with a huge smile on my face and tears streaming down my cheeks), "Oh, I'm just not feeling well!" Yeah. Great fake, Katie. He peeked at the test in my hands and asked me if I was happy or sad. More tears came as I smiled and nodded. Then we both cried.
That's right friends. We're pregnant. Five weeks, to be exact.
So, of course, there are questions involved once you make an announcement like that. Like, "WHAT?? So SOON??" and "You're telling at only FIVE weeks??" Okay, okay, those questions have been the exception rather than the norm (the reception has been overwhelmingly positive), but I figured this is a good vehicle through which to explain myself, as such an announcement often renders some sort of explanation.
Firstly, the "WHAT?? So SOON??" question.
Why, thank you for asking! Yes, Cub and le bebe will be close--twenty months apart, to be exact. Four months short of two years. I don't have a deep, philosophical or even logical explanation as to how we calculated the precise time to conceive (because we didn't), other than the fact that we simply want our kids close together. Yes, we know it will be chaotic, especially at first. Yes, we know we will have two in diapers. No, I'm not sure if I will be seeing straight when all is said and done. However, we're more excited than anything. We are, obviously, very aware of the "adventure" that lies ahead with two little ones, but we're so excited to jump in. And, who knows. Maybe after le bebe comes, we'll decide we were insane and wait a little longer for the next, if we choose to expand our little pack beyond two.
Also, a big factor in the decision is Cub himself. His personality just rocks. He IS his father's son. He's mellow and, well, easy. I realize toddlerhood brings a whole new slew of challenges and we're geared up for that. But, the truth of the matter is that Cub is just a low-maintenance, content baby. And we realize that. If Cub had, say, MY personality, perhaps we would be waiting longer to add another baby. :) Cub is the reason we want another baby. And he is also the reason we feel as confident as we do in having another one so soon.
Secondly! "You're telling at only FIVE weeks??"
Yes, yes, I know, we're seven weeks shy of the kosher twelve weeks. Believe it or not, there is an actual reason we are telling so soon, even though I don't believe you need a reason at all. People should be able to make the announcement whenever they want--it's a personal decision. But, like I said, we do have a reason. As many of you know, I miscarried in December 2007 and at the time, we didn't know why. In February 2008, I found out I was pregnant (with Cub) and six weeks into the pregnancy, my progesterone began to drop dangerously low. The doctor immediately put me on a progesterone supplement (that made me just a liiiiiiiiiiiittle crazy) and, as the previous pregnancy had ended at six weeks, they assumed the low progesterone was the culprit. So, this time around, the doctor is being extremely cautious. As soon as his office opened the next day after I found out I was pregnant, I called and they immediately sent me to our local hospital for blood work. That was last week. Everything looked good, thankfully, but I went in again today to check it again, as I am nearing the six week mark. Next week I will actually see the doctor and we will have my first ultrasound.
So, for us, the process of going to the doctor (and the hospital) began immediately. We wanted our friends and family to know so they could pray for Baby Baskins and go through this journey with us. And, once the cat is out of the bag, you might as well just tell everyone!! We are very aware that our pregnancy at this moment is considered high-risk and we're praying we make it through these next few weeks.
And, amidst all of the explanations and the questions and the "right" or "wrong" way of doing things, we are confident that, at this moment, this is God's plan for us. We prayed from day one that God would bless us with another baby only if it was His will and we were constantly (and are still constantly) so grateful for Cub and the joy our one baby boy has brought to our lives. There were several weeks of prayer and truly handing this desire over to Him, piece by piece. I found myself going to my knees and surrendering that desire. More than a baby, I wanted to trust God's plan. And His sovereignty. And it was only when I was truly, and I mean TRULY at peace with whatever He had in store, did we conceive.
And we still don't know how this will end. We never know how things will end. But we rejoice in the moment, in this moment, when I'm in the nursery rocking Cub and the precious baby inside of me at the same time. And we praise God for this moment.
And, we pray for more of these moments to come.