I understand the obsession with watching things explode in the sky. Bright colors! Neat!
However. I do not understand the obsession with watching things explode in the sky prematurely, before the actual holiday for which they were intended.
Wait, do you even know the holiday of which I speak? Or do you just see "Bart's Fireworks" on the side of the road and get giggity giddy because Firework Day is closely approaching? Yeehaw!
You see, this is where I think we have a lack of understanding for each other. I have small children who need to sleep. It's just something they do. Large explosions in the sky can prevent that from happening. Also, I am pregnant, which can just make me plain mean, and when you couple a mean lady with two sleepy children, it's dangerous. More dangerous than, say, explosions in the sky.
So, tonight, as I type this amidst the fireworks show outside of my house, I would like to say that if I wake up to a toddler poking me in the eyeball because he was awakened by the aforementioned blasts, then this firecracker will be at your front door to wag my finger in your face and to confiscate your explosives until Monday.
Until then, you can light matches.
Most Affectionately Yours,