I hand the cashier my items and swipe my credit card.
Cashier: Did you find everything okay?
Me: Yes! Thank you.
Cashier: Do you have any coupons or gift cards today?
Me: Nope! Not today!
Cashier begins taking clothing off the hangers.
Cashier: Would you like to save fifteen percent by opening a store card?
Me: No thank you.
Cashier: You can save fifteen percent on your store purchase today!
Me: No, thank you.
Cashier: If you open a store card, you can get fifteen percent off this purchase and then five percent of subsequent purchases (limitations apply)!
Me: No, really, I'm good. Thank you, though.
Cashier puts clothes in bags.
Cashier: Okay. And what is your phone number?
Cashier: May I have your phone number please?
(I make up a number.)
Cashier: We don't seem to have your number in the system. Can I please have your home phone number?
Me: It's not listed. (Meaning: We don't have a land line. Leave me alone.)
Cashier: You will not receive any promotional or sales calls, we just use it to know where our customers are coming from.
Me: It's not listed. But thank you.
Cashier: May I have your email address?
The line is growing longer behind me.
Me: Okay, yes, lalalalahereisanemailaddressInolongeruse.
Cashier: Thank you! And what is your first name?
Cashier: And your last name?
Me: May I ask why you need my name? It's on my card.
Cashier: For your email address. You will not receive any promotional--
Me:--(I give her my last name.)
Cashier: Okay! Great!
Me: Alright. Thank you!
She reaches the bag to me and pauses.
Cashier: And would you like to donate five dollars to St. Jude's Children's Hospital today?
Okay, really? Seriously? Who can say no to that??
Me: Sure, that would be fine.
Cashier rings a bell and cheers.
Cashier hands me my receipt. And my bag.
I turn heel to leave as I hear her beginning her spiel with the person behind me.
And we wonder why the lines are so long??