Monday, February 8, 2010

Now I Get It.

I remember when I was pregnant with Cub, I had conversations with Moms who were pregnant with their second or third child and I was kind of amazed at how NOT excited they seemed. They were just pretty laid back about the whole thing, while I, on the other hand, spent every free second scouring our Target registry online to check which items we still needed to purchase. I knew exactly which colors I wanted to use in the nursery, I knew exactly which Travel System I wanted and why (COLOR), I knew I wanted the neutral papasan chair and the white shelving to counterbalance the espresso crib. I constantly checked Restoration Hardware's Baby and Child line to see make sure the bedding I had selected was just what I had in mind.

One could say, I was on it.

This time, well, things are different.

My friend and I were discussing this today and we joked about how laid back our responses might seem to our second pregnancies. We're both excited to decorate our baby's nurseries (and I'm thrilled to start Cub's new room), but the hurried anticipation isn't there. And why is that? Why do we come across as not being as excited this time around?

And friends, I GET IT. I get it now. The excitement is there, but it is a much more developed and understood excitement. This time I know what I'm getting into. The first time around, I think I cared so much about bedding and a pack-n-play that matched my home's decor because, really, those were tangible items, while Cub, honestly, was not. I mean, I felt him kick and punch and I knew he was there. And I knew I loved him. But during that first pregnancy, baby items were the primary way that I could feel connected to Cub. I could hold his blankets and see his curtains, when I couldn't hold or see him.

Now that I've gone through it, I know what's coming. I know there is nothing like it. And I could care less if our stroller is brown or pink or green--I'm just ready for the baby. I'm ready to meet Naomi. And so, I'm feeling pretty laid back about it. There's not much I can do to hurry the process, you know? I was excited during my pregnancy with Cub, but I was very, very nervous, too. This time, I know what to expect, so my excitement is different and stronger. I know having two children will be crazy, but I'm ready to meet the challenge head on and I'm more confident this time around. And now I understand that that confidence is what I saw in those veteran moms. It isn't at all a representation of under-excitement, instead, it's a strong and beautiful peace. The late nights. The multiple feedings. The spit-up. The challenge of two or more kids at once. The labor. The delivery. The hard times, the fun times. We know what's coming.

And we know it is good.

We're ready to have our baby girl.

Am I the only one who feels this way? How did you, friends, feel during that second pregnancy?


  1. I was just like you with #1 and am again like you with #2! Been there done that, there were just so many unknowns with the first a control freak like me loved having the books, baby registries, nursery decor, etc. to "comfort" me. :)

  2. My 2nd pregnancy of course was very different then my 1st. I pretty much spent my first pregnancy in fear from about 20 weeks until I delivered Karoline b/c of all the medical probs we both were having.
    I thought being pregnant with Olivia, I would be terrified and not enjoy it. But, the Lord gave me such peace the entire pregnancy and I was able to enjoy it. Even those last few weeks in the hot, hot, hot weather :)
    But.....I know what you mean, I imagine I will feel the same way as you when I have my 3rd:)

  3. I couldn't have said it better. I've actually been asked "aren't you excited??". YES!!! I AM!!!! I'm just not going ga-ga over everything like the first time. None of that matters...I'm at peace and can't wait to meet our new little angel. In a way, it's more enjoyable the 2nd time around because you are at peace with everything and have a better understanding.

  4. I'm going through the exact same feelings you just described. it's amazing, but in a different, I've-done-this-and-know-what-to-expect, kind of way. it's still very, very exciting, though!

  5. As I'm only working on #1 right now, I don't understand the #2 feelings you've described. However, I do relate to the frenzied anticipation and anxiousness and visible (and sometimes overwhelming) excitement that comes with baby #1. No, I don't know what to expect, and you are right that perhaps pouring so much of myself into nursery planning and registery planning and childbirth classes and and and and and is a way to 'get to know' this baby that I've not yet met. I like how you didn't diminish the 'first time around' excitement just because you know what the outcome will be, and, thus, you can be more relaxed the second time around. What I mean is that I've had a few eye rolls regarding how much work and time we've put into things like the nursery from moms of more than one kid...but I still think it is an important phase to walk through so that one CAN understand and notice the difference with the second pregnancy and on. (Wow, I am typing a lot.) I will stop now. I just really appreciated what you said and how you said it. All stages are important, as you said.

  6. I can totally understand what you are saying...and also think that you explained it very well. Each time is special and unique and it's important to recognize and understand that not one time outweighs the other...but they are just...different. However, I only have one child at the moment...but I have this constant "fear" that I will not be as overjoyed, excited, anxious...when I get pregnant with our second child. I KNOW that won't actually be the case...but I'm sure you can relate to my feelings of not being able to love another child as much as I love Rylie!! I KNOW that I will love them just the same...but it's just hard to imagine right now. :)

  7. (Don't worry Rylie's Mommy--I totally understand your fear of not knowing if you will love your next child as much. Let me assure you that I burst into happy tears when I saw the "pregnant" on the pregnancy test the second time around. It's a whole new kind of excitement!)

  8. I'm on my third right now. And SO ready to give birth...and I've done nothing. I mean, I have a carseat. And a bassinet. Some clean clothes.

    Other than that? I'm SO whatever. I should probably pack the hospital bag at some point, but I'm so ridiculously relaxed about this little one that I can't seem to summon the motivation to prepare.