Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Voices In My Head.

In case you haven't noticed, our area of the country is getting a nice pelting of record rainfall, and has been for the past month or so. Summer shone brightly for about ten days, before the clouds moved in, the yard flooded, and the little birds began to get STIR CRAZY.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken them to a friend's house to swim every single day during the Ten Days of Summer. Or to the splash pad. Or the playground. Or that water park. We went to ALL THE PLACES because SUMMER, only to experience a cloudburst deluge and a subsequent end to the fun.

I've done my best. Well, mostly my best--I think I could probably always do better--at keeping everyone entertained. Our middle birdie turned five, a day that included a fun play-date birthday party and a dinner with family and lots of donuts and sugar in between. And then .... they sit. They ask what to do. The summer oh-wait-it's-raining-outside boredom. And, while I would love to consult my Pinterest boards and create indoor ninja obstacle courses and foam made from Borax, the busy week before left the house a complete disaster that requires a good dosage of laundry, amongst other things, that require my attention instead.

Don't get me wrong--we have our days of "No, they're young! Just play all day!", but sometimes things  ACTUALLY NEED TO GET DONE and the kids ACTUALLY NEED TO ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES. And sometimes, they're great at it! And sometimes ... they're not.

And in the deep recesses of my mind comes that little tiny pesky voice that taps me on the shoulder and asks, "And you want to HOMESCHOOL?" Have the kids home ... all the time? Deal with this ... all the time?

And I cringe a little because that little voice has a point. Days like this leave me worn out. I've been tugged on all day, strained my voice after urging everyone to "Go play, please, go play, please", and my third cup of coffee has been sitting in the microwave waiting to be re-heated. Again. And the moment when I feel the most frustrated and wimpy and pathetic and clueless as to how to handle my own children ... they're suddenly playing outside. With worms and mud. The rain has stopped and they're outside. Together. And just as quickly as that doubting voice came into my mind, it scurried away.

I think that's how this entire journey will be. Some days will be really hard. Good grief, we haven't even officially started yet! That little voice will tap me on the shoulder. And some days it might grasp me on both arms and shake me because SURELY I AM CRAZY. And, other days, everything will be great. Doubting voice will be gone, replaced with the encouraging voice that tells me to keep it up, yo. And I will do my best. Or, at least, mostly my best.

I know I can always do better.

I am realizing that this journey has more to do with parenthood, really, than schooling. I mean, the schooling bit is huge, but a lot of this feels like a reflection on this stage of parenting for me, from always having a baby/toddler in the house, which up until this point has been my only experience as a Mom, to now having three kids. Like, real life kids. And as we navigate this stage, we can only guess at its trajectory and try, making decisions that give us peace while praying that they were the right ones. Like how educate our kids. And when to do laundry, and when to play. And how to play. And whether or not worms should be brought inside.

And those are my thoughts today.

Have a lovely day.

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