Thursday, November 3, 2011

Fretful.

Yesterday was one of those days where every problem or fear seemed like a larger version of itself than necessary. I found myself feeling heavy with worry about the upcoming holidays (money to spend on Christmas presents for a lot of people), the upcoming baby addition (THREE CHILDREN ... sometimes it just feels impossible!), and just the day-to-day responsibilities of being an adult.

I could feel my face becoming fretful. Pouty and frustrated, brow furrowed, mouth set. My Mom tells me I have an excellent fretful face and I believe her now after seeing myself in my children--Cub's fretful face is dead on! It ain't pretty. After putting the kids down for naps, I milled around our kitchen, dark from open windows on a cloudy day, and my mind raced with worry while my heart continued to sink and my brow continued to furrow. I turned on my Pandora radio (set to Norah Jones) while I dumped the chicken stock from the stove into the crock-pot. As I mindlessly pieced through the chicken, I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. My worry had decided to manifest itself through weepiness, something I do not particularly appreciate, and I took a deep breath. A heavy sigh, really.

The kitchen filled with an ominous silence as the previous song ended, and I stood there, staring at my chicken stock through blurry eyes, frustrated with myself for being frustrated.

And then, softly, chords from an acoustic piano began. I recognized them immediately, and realized that Pandora had randomly started playing a piano version of "Be Still My Soul". I blinked through my wet eyes and turned up the song, letting its peaceful melody fill through the room.

Be still my soul: The Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

"Leave to thy God to order and provide; in every change, He faithful will remain."

I just want to say that I am thankful that God wasn't subtle with His desire for me to calm down and set my worry aside. Sometimes I just need a big, obvious reminder, and He sure came through yesterday.

The song played through while I stood in the kitchen, eyes closed, drinking it in. After it faded, I stood there for a moment and turned the music back down as Jack Johnson came on singing about banana pancakes. The hymn had been so beautifully random.

That's all I've got today, friends. I hope you have a lovely day.

6 comments:

  1. May I just say that I needed that this morning. Be still my soul. Thank goodness God knows exactly what we need to hear.

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  2. You made me cry at work! Thank you for sharing this. I'm a big "fret-er" too. That hymn is perfect. I haven't heard it in years and it's so beautiful. I need to break out my Hymnal and play it tonight on my piano. :-)

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  3. I was a fretful mess yesterday as well and I really needed to read those words! :)

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  4. Sometimes a good cry and a good hymn can fix things, at least in the moment. Love you, friend!!

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  5. Needed to read this today. Thank you!

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  6. Amazing how His timing really is perfect even with the little things!

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