Thursday, September 1, 2011

A Synopsis.

So. My last post about the trip. You can sigh and smile and say Yay, Katie is FINALLY done blogging about that TRIP.

I enjoyed myself. I did.


I'm not entirely sure how to write this succinctly, so bear with me. I really love my parents and they love me, but I'm just going to go ahead and say that traveling with my parents sans my husband or my very young kids left me feeling a bit ... lost. I very distinctly remember the night we drove through York and I, in the back seat of our rental, looked out and saw the edge of the water. The waves were beautiful and big and as I rolled down my window, the salty smell struck me and I closed my eyes and drank it all in.

And then looked over at the empty seat next to me.

Well, okay, there was a box of Dunkin' Donuts there, but you get the idea.

It was just ... empty. My parents were in the front, holding hands and smiling as we drove on, and I was there in the back sharing the sweet moment with a box of stale donuts. And I realized that, while I am always my Father and my Mother's Daughter, it is no longer my defining characteristic. I am now Wife and Mother and being void of either of those roles leaves me feeling, truly, a bit uneasy.

And I found myself imagining what the moment would have been like with my husband. I would drive him nuts with my play-by-play retelling of every single memory I have in York, everything I know about the ocean, everything I couldn't wait to eat at the restaurant. If the kids had been there, I would have hardly been able to contain my excitement as I point out "The sea! It's there! Caleb! It's BIG!" and Naomi would giggle and Caleb would jabber about the ocean being big and blue and there it is and look some sand and I am hungry and I am also two years old and Mom is twenty-eight.

But instead ... it was silent.

And y'all, my life just isn't silent right now.

I missed the noise.

I've had several people tell me how much I must have appreciated the "break" from being Mom and Wife that I had while I was on my trip. I don't want to be rude, but I really didn't want a break. I didn't need a break. Truth be told, experiencing life with my little family is the best there is. Experiencing it alone is, well, lonely.

And I get it. This trip was not conducive to a restless two year-old and a baby girl who still takes one hour-long and one three-hour long nap every day. And, financially, me going alone made the best sense.

Oh and we spent the night in the airport on the way home because of flight delays. That would have been, oh, a nightmare with two babies.

But, you get what I'm saying. Some parents have no issue leaving their little ones behind for a week-long adventure in a different place or a foreign country. And that's great--to each his own. But if I have my choice, I want to experience it all together, as a family (besides occasional weekend getaways with just my hubby ... a marital necessity, for us!). Because, while the travel can be stressful and the kids can be hard, the moments are also fleeting.

And the thing we would remember the most is looking out the window, watching the waves, giddy with excitement.

And I hope someday we can do that.

It's good to be home.

Have a lovely day.


  1. Totally get it. Sometimes, I feel like I need a break. And then, as I'm pulling out of the driveway to have my "me" time...even if it was just for two hours, less then five minutes into it, the tears start sliding down because I want to turn around and go home and be in the midst of the laughter, crying...whatever...just the life.
    I don't feel that need very often. And I have a feeling that when school time comes around, I'm gonna Miss clingy Mama...I have separation anxiety.

    Glad you are in love with your life. So many Moms complain about their children, you wonder if they even want them in the first place! It's refreshing to read your perspective.

  2. I feel the exact same way. Life just isn't the same without my man and my boy to live it with. It's like you can't truly appreciate and enjoy the things without them. Ya know? Good post!

  3. I know what you mean. Traveling with my Mom but without my hubby or daughter makes me feel just a little displaced. The getaways where I'm not "MOM" are refreshing though, and they make me want to get back to my little family all the more. Those weekend escapes with Russell are so precious to our marriage (like you said), but I've yet to be away from E for more than a couple of days max...I'm sure I'd be like you; constantly thinking of how much she'd enjoy what I was doing or what I'd like her to see/experience, etc.

    PS: I'm glad you're home. :)

  4. Totally know what you mean. I know that I always think it's so nice to have a little break and relax but the truth is after a day of them not being around I miss them and all the noise like crazy!

  5. I found myself saying the EXACT same thing last week when we were gone for 5 days from the girls. A couple of days I can do and it's great for us as a couple, but after that, it's like I don't know how to act without them! We kept finding ourselves saying "Lilli and Coley would sure like this..." It was so wonderful to reunite with them when we got back, and it seemed like they grew so much while we were gone! Although, then you deal with the dreaded grandparent detox for a while. Hopefully you didn't have to worry about that part since they were home with daddy! ;)

  6. I enjoyed reading about your trip. Your Memere is beautiful! Glad you had a fun getaway, and glad you made it back safely.