I realized that a lot of it was fear-driven. All it takes (for me, anyway) is one shoot to make me feel like I'm a terrible photographer who has no idea what she is doing. And I'm not even a professional or advertised as one. I'm just an amateur building a portfolio who gets paid a little fee that I typically spend on an indulgent cup of coffee and diapers. The whole gig started out "for fun", but "fun" was the last thing I was having. I was stressed and overwhelmed as it was, chasing after two toddlers while maintaining the one in my womb, and photo shoots got knocked off the priority list. Needless to say, I learned a lot about boundaries and functioning within comfortable limits. It's what I have to do right now with my busy life. If I'm not okay, no one else is okay, either!
Then the weather cooled. This past weekend I had two shoots scheduled. They were for the first shoots in a long time and I could feel my stress creeping up again, but I knew that the best way to keep riding was to get back on the horse.
So, I did it. I did two shoots for the first time in a long time.
And they were great.
I uploaded the pictures and found myself commenting and ooo-ing and ahhhh-ing over the cuteness of my clients' kids, and with each click of the mouse I remembered why I loved doing this. Capturing these moments and being mesmerized at how quickly little ones grow. I ended my editing sessions feeling relieved and proud, rather than defeated and frustrated. These clients were repeat customers who called me because they wanted me to again do their pictures. That in and of itself brings a feeling of redemption.
I have one more shoot scheduled this fall and then I'm taking another break. But I feel good about this break--we have trips and holidays and then a baby. I'm not taking this break because I'm worried or afraid. Leaving on a high note feels great.
That's all. Now y'all have a little more of a peek into my life and the stuff I like to do.
Have a lovely day.