Let me rewind. Friday was a rough day. I had a photo shoot fall through, totally my fault, and it made me sick to think I had disappointed a potential client. My plans for the day included going to the zoo with some friends and I was happy to go hang out, but the day had already started out on a sour note and I am the kind of person who holds onto things longer than I should. Naturally, the day was destined for ruin. As we perused our way through the lions and bears, the hot Oklahoma sun beating on our shoulders, I started to get cranky. Naomi slept soundly in the stroller but Cub was on the ornery side, lagging and taking his time (not) obeying. My patience was short and I found myself getting snippy. Towards the end of our zoo excursion, my friends suggested going to lunch. Knowing I was cranky and the kids were on the brink of nap time, thusly making them a bit cranky, I wasn't so sure that going to lunch would go over well.
I didn't want to be that Mom.
You know. The Mom who never does anything spontaneous? The NOT FUN Mom?
So, we went to lunch.
The restaurant is one of my favorites in town, but it doesn't have a play place, which means the kiddos would have to sit and be good (eek). While I was happy to devour some fish tacos, I was not so happy to have to police my one year old and two year old while we ate. I felt sorry for myself. I had a bad attitude.
I was SNIPPY. I was HUFFY. I was worried about the kids' naps, worried about getting both of them fed, worried about the pile of tortilla chips and quesadilla pieces forming under the table, worried about the people next to us having to listen to my kids whine, worried, worried, worried. At one point, my friend asked me if I was okay, and it was then that I realized my worry and panic was very obvious to the rest of the group. And then I was embarrassed. Sure, I had chosen the "fun mom" route, but I was anything but fun. Naomi started losing it halfway through the meal, so we ended up leaving early. Now I felt like I had let everybody down and I wanted to just go home and sulk.
I had allowed extenuating circumstances to set the tone for my day and while I do find that to be somewhat understandable, I hated how it brought out the "panic-y mom" in me. The Mom who freaks out in public places. When we only had one kid, going out was no problem. Now, we rarely go out to eat, simply because eating out with two toddlers takes a lot of work and it's easier to eat at home. So, sure, maybe I had the right to be slightly cautious at the thought of eating out, but the panic? It seemed a little unnecessary.
So, I'm just wondering--do any other Moms out there panic about these kinds of things? Do you ever worry that your kids are upsetting everyone around you and you get huffy and snippy even if everything is probably fine?
Or am I really, really weird?
That's all. Have a lovely weekend, friends.