Just as I sat down to type this, both of the kids started crying. Oh my!
For an update. We went to the Pediatrician and are in the process of possibly weaning Naomi. I say "possibly" because I started the process on Friday and yet, since then, she has stopped sleeping through the night and has shown very little difference during the day. To back track, going off of dairy helped, but periodic screaming fits returned, and the choice to wean came from the standpoint that my guilt, frustration, and worry over every tiny bite of food that entered my mouth could potentially make my child sick was a burden that was causing me to cry every day. It's difficult for me to reconcile giving my baby formula. I now have a can of something who's primary ingredient is MALTODEXTRIN wedged between my organic spaghetti sauce and couscous. I love breast feeding so much. I receive emails, Facebook messages, and texts from people asking for breast feeding advice. It's so much of who I am, in a way, that the thought of not doing it is almost causing a bit of an identity crisis, which is odd when you think about it. It's difficult for me to imagine that, at this point, formula might be the better option (how prideful of me, I know). But, mentally, for me, it might be. I can stay off of dairy. But I can't stand to hear my baby scream.
(And please, if you have always used formula and don't breast feed, please do not take this that I am judging you at all. I'm not. Lots of the advice in those breast feeding phone calls and emails I receive are me telling people to go to formula. It's more important for Mama to be sane and okay, in my opinion, as breast feeding can be stressful ... obviously.)
The changes I was hoping to see in Naomi physically since changing to formula are not coming yet, but it's only been a few days. This is not a post where I am seeking advice or wanting help, and I definitely do not need anyone telling me that breast milk is best. If I didn't believe that myself, I would not have gone through such great lengths in modifying my diet to make it safe for Naomi. People have told me that what I eat doesn't make a difference. They are fine to believe that. Experience has shown me differently.
This is just a post so you know where I am. This blog is about honesty and the honest truth is that I am wading into waters that are the toughest since Naomi has been born. I will expound on the details later, but weaning has been emotionally and physically difficult and there are so many factors playing into it. And yet, deep down, I know it is the right thing to do, for not only her well-being, but for my emotional and mental health as a Mom.
Perspective tells me that this is a small stage that will be a tiny blip on the radar later in life. But momentarily I'm kind of immersed in it, struggling to see outside of it. In a few days, life might be grand and easy and perfect and yay! But since Saturday, it's been tough and I'm preparing myself for a tough week ahead.
This is just tough. But thanks for listening.