Wife: Good night.
Husband: Good night?? What??
Wife: I'm so tired. It's late. I threw up three times today. Good night.
Husband: Fine. I see how it is. But will you turn on the fan first? You're closer to the switch.
(Wife stumbles through the darkness, fumbles for the switch, trips back into bed where her head hits the mattress.)
Wife: Where are my pillows?
Husband: What pillows?
Wife: I'M TIRED GIVE ME MY PILLOWS THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Husband: But what are you talking about? I didn't take your pillows.
Wife: GIVE ME MY PILLOWS.
Husband: You're crazy. I didn't take your pillows.
Wife: If you don't give me my pillows, I'm going to take my toenail and scrape--
Husband: Okay here are your pillows.
Wife: Thank you. Good night.
Husband: You're really tired? Are you sure? Why are you so tired? I'm not tired at all. I don't understand why you're so tired! It just doesn't make sense that you are so tired when I'm not tired and I don't get it!
Wife (pleadingly, pathetically, desperately): Puh-leeeeeeaaaaassseeee be quiet!! I'm SO TIRED!!
Husband: Fine. Good night. Are you sure? Really? Okay. Good night.
Wife: Good night.
(Ten minutes elapse. Wife, now angrily wide awake, waits until she hears her husband breathing steadily. Meaning: HE'S ASLEEP.)
(She creeps over to his side with a pillow in each hand.)
(She then commences to pound his face with said pillows.)
Wife: HEY HONEY WAKE UP DON'T YOU WANT TO TALK WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT'S SO EARLY WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SLEEP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!!
Husband (groggily): Oh. My. Gosh.
Wife: Exactly. Good night!
Husband: Oh. My. Gosh.
(Wife settles on her side of the bed and peacefully falls asleep. It takes the husband a little longer.)
And who says marriage is boring. Really. :)