Tuesday, October 27, 2009

June 21, 2010.

That, my friends, is Baby Baskins' official due date.

We have a little Bean.

And if I were a good blogger, I would have scanned in an ultrasound picture. But, I hate our scanner and our scanner hates me, so you will have to picture the token Baby Bean ultrasound.

It's amazing.

But the story was not what we expected.

When we went in for the ultrasound, my doctor began the procedure and immediately asked if I had had any complications with the pregnancy thus far. The tone in his voice worried me and I told him that everything had been going well. He murmured, "Good," and continued with the ultrasound. I nervously asked him if he saw the baby. He said that Yes! There's the baby! and we saw our little Bean clinging to the side of the screen. The heartbeat came over the monitor and my husband and I smiled at each other and wiped away tears (it's just as exciting the second time, by the way). I asked the doctor why he had asked about complications, and he zoomed out with the screen to show a bigger picture of what was going on.

Just below Baby Bean's sack, there was another sack.

And it was empty.

The pregnancy had started out as twins. 

But, somewhere very, very early on, the second baby stopped developing and never grew beyond a cluster of cells. The doctor told me that they don't even consider it a miscarriage, as the pregnancy was literally hours along before it ended. I never "lost" the cells physically as with a miscarriage--they were absorbed. And, within the next few weeks, the sack will be absorbed, too. Because my ultrasound was done so early, we were able to see the original intent of the pregnancy. Had we not had the ultrasound until 8 or 12 weeks, we may never have known.

My reaction was ... confused shock. I sat up and the doctor handed me the pictures and I stared at the picture with both sacks, one carrying our sweet little Bean and the other, empty. My eyes began to water and I felt the tears run down my cheeks. My husband rubbed my hand and my doctor put his arm around me and told me it was okay to be upset. He encouraged me that sometimes our bodies just can't handle two pregnancies at once and we are so fortunate to have one healthy, thriving baby. And, he's right. This sort of thing happens more than we know, but, like I mentioned, they don't consider it a miscarriage. I just didn't know how to feel. I believe life begins at conception, which means I lost a baby ... but the baby never had the chance to even become something that my body knew how to reject. It's just ... I'm not sure. Crazy? Weird? Does the word "weird" sound immature or disrespectful? I just don't know. I wiped my eyes and focused on our little Bean and smiled at the due date printed next to the picture. It's just difficult to imagine that our little Bean had a twin, if only for the briefest of time. Fraternal twins skip a generation in our family and my Mom is a twin and I'm her only daughter, so we knew this was a possibility. But this wasn't what I expected.


I'm happy. I'm thrilled, actually. Little Bean is growing and healthy and so far, things look amazing. It's a lot for me to process, you know? I know as time goes by and the baby continues to grow, I won't think about what "could" have been. God created our bodies to take care of themselves and for some reason or another, one pregnancy was what my body could handle, so far. And we are so thankful and grateful and excited for what lies ahead with our little Bean! And, as we've learned through experience in the past, we trust God with every step. Even when we don't understand the steps or why we are taking them. He is so good and so faithful and so gracious to bless us with another baby on the way. And we won't lose sight of that.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and encouragement. And thank you for joining me in this journey, one precious day at a time!! :)  


  1. so pleased for you and your little one. will be praying for God's strength, peace and courage as you face everything that comes with this pregnancy.

  2. Wow!!! What an incredible thing to try to process. I don't know what I would have done or how I would have reacted either. I'm so thrilled your bean is there and healthy. Praise God! What a little tiny love.

    Oh and his/her due date is 3 days after Levi's!!! (Though he came 3 weeks early). Congrats again. I love it!

  3. love you katie!

    i am happy that your little bean is healthy and growing! hope the first trimester is treating you well (or as well as it can :))

  4. Wow, that is truly amazing. I'm glad your little bean is healthy. Congrats!

  5. so happy to hear of the good (though also surprising) outcome! june babies are wonderful ;)

  6. Sweet Girl, what an emotion filled visit!

    I love it that you call the newest addition a bean, very cute!

  7. :) Katie. I love how honest and open and trusting in the Lord you and your family are. Thank you so much for sharing with all of us, and allowing us in on this journey. You, Caleb, and Josh are often in my thoughts and prayers. I'm excitied that I get to add your newest little bean to the list! I believe that life happens at conception as well, so my thoughts are with you as you're processing the loss of one of your twins. You're a wonderful mother, and an amazing woman! :)

  8. Oh, wow, Katie! What a roller coaster day you must have had - and continue to have, I'm sure. I'm so glad your little bean is healthy.

  9. Well that’s not what you were planning on hearing… Kind of a bummer but at least you knew now instead of never knowing. I don’t know which is better but I think knowing would be better. Plus the fact that your little one is still doing so well! I’m so happy for you and sad at the same time. You’ve got a great thing coming.

  10. Our baby is due June 14th!! I have been following your blog for a couple of weeks. Happened upon it from the Smits. :)

    We lost a baby to an ectopic pregnancy last year. I too believe that life begins at conception. It was hard to wonder why that little being decided not to come to earth. I, like you, didn't understand at first. But, our bodies are amazing and know just what we need. Sounds like your one little baby needs all the room it can get. :)

    Good luck with your pregnancy. I enjoy keeping up with your wonderful posts on motherhood!

  11. oh, Katie. now, I'm really anxious for you to call me back!! we're praying for you and thinking about you guys. that is quite a lot to process. I'm here to talk whenever you need an ear to listen. love you.

  12. I don't know you and I just connected to your blog through another, but I want you to know that the same thing happened to me. The first ultrasound there were two egg sacks. One complete and one not looking so great. A week later there was only one. When we first saw the two sacks the doctor explained that there was about a 2% chance that the second would develop. He or she didn't, and while I was terrified at the prospect of having twins, I was also saddened when we "lost" the second sack. I to believe life begins at conception, and I read once that even in that small cluster of cells each and every cell already "knows" its job. While it's hard to wrap my mind around, I have come to believe that I conceived two babies, and one of them is waiting for me in heaven. On another note, I had some major complications at 35 weeks and had I been pregnant with twins I would have lost both babies and possibly died. Anyway, just wanted you to know that there is another woman out there that understands how you feel.