The Things That Matter.

We were on our second flight home after a long two days of cancelled flights and hanging out in empty terminals. Our group of ten (six adults and four children) was tired, exhausted with the happy-but-crazy feels that accompany a trip to Disneyworld with small children, and we were ready to get home. The plane hummed along as I tapped my husband on the shoulder and handed him my copy of "Love Does" by Bob Goff. "Read this chapter," I whispered, gesturing towards the open page. He read it, nodded in agreement, and handed the book back to me. I smoothed out the page that had the most markings on it, done by my own pen, and re-read the phrase I had circled. And underlined. And drew little stars around:

"And for me, I've realized that I used to be afraid of failing at the things that really mattered to me, but now I'm more afraid of succeeding at things that don't matter."

I looked down at Lydia, my great, big, three year old, fast asleep, and tucked her hair behind her ear. My heart was settled.

Surrounded by friends who homeschool, I have always had the thought of it tucked in the recesses of my mind, wedged somewhere between "Things I Should Try" and "Things That Terrify Me Greatly".  I assumed I would at least attempt to homeschool Cub through his preschool years, but the opportunity arose for us to send him to a Christian school for preschool, two days a week, and we chose that.

Then Kindergarten came. At his school, Cub goes all day, five days a week. The first few months were a little awkward for me, adjusting to a school schedule while I still had littles at home, and I assumed the unsettledness was attributed to this adjustment. I also assumed that it would pass with time.

It didn't.

It was difficult to process. I loved his school. Naomi was in the preschool and we loved that, too. We loved their teachers. We loved what they experienced there. So, why, why was there this restless feeling in my heart? We enrolled the kids for the next year and of course, after doing so, that's when it happened. That thought, tucked back in my mind, started to surface periodically, peeking to the forefront of my brain no matter how much I tried to shove it back:

Should we homeschool?

The thought of it was intimidating. My degree is in Family Studies, not Early Childhood Education. Why in the world would I ever think I could teach my kids? Where do you even buy curriculum??

And, most importantly, I DON'T OWN CULOTTES.

EVEN IF GAP SELLS THEM NOW.

(I kid.)

My mind reeled with endless fears.

What if I fail?

But the thought of it also would not go away, so after making extensive pros and cons lists and talking my husband's ear off and falling asleep at night with homeschool blogs open on my phone, I finally started to pray about it. I pushed the lists and blogs and (slightly irrational) fears aside and brought it before God in prayer, leaving it at that. Confession: I had not been the best pray-er for a while before this. My conversations with God more resembled shop talk than anything raw and honest. Praying about homeschooling opened up that conversation once again and I remember the day, distinctly, that He answered my prayer. After putting the girls down for naps, I laid down for a cat nap. Only a few moments later, my eyes popped open, I sat straight up, and I felt this overwhelming peace. In His fascinating and beautiful way, God had gently turned His desires into my desires and I knew that this was what He wanted for us. And that was that. As usual, God did not show up with lightning bolts on my front door or anvils falling on my roof--instead, He quietly nudged my heart until I released it. I had been so preoccupied with figuring out the logistics and the worst possible homeschool scenarios (if you check my Google history, you will find searches like "terrified of homeschooling" and "why in the world should I ever homeschool"), that I hadn't stopped to listen for His voice. Once I did, He spoke.

Amazing how that happens, right? Why, oh why, do I ever push pause on my prayer life?

He listens, and He speaks.

From there, things started moving forward. I had discussions with the kids' teachers about our plans for the following year and they were kind and supportive and everything I knew they would be. With tears in my eyes, I finally clicked "Send" on the e-mail to formally withdraw my kids from school next year. I truly believe God went before us by opening up slots for my kids at a local Classical Conversations campus in our town. Explaining our decision has been, for the most part, well-received. Some are completely confused--why give up an education at a great Christian school to homeschool? That's a good question. I'm not entirely sure why. I have my reasons why I am looking forward to homeschooling, but, as far as the reasoning behind it, I really feel like we're just taking a step of obedience and we'll maybe find out the "why" later. Or maybe we won't. Maybe God knows I need to experience this for a year before I can finally put it to rest. Or, maybe not. I don't know.

What I do know is that He has given us peace to homeschool next year. Beyond that, it's up to Him and where (or how) He leads us next. If God has shown me anything thus far in my life, it is this: My plans rarely turn out as I expect them to. From working to getting pregnant to staying home to now homeschooling for this next year, He continually shakes up the way I think things should look, and through the struggle of relinquishing control, my eyes are opened to the greatness of His plan every time. He is faithful. Oh, He is faithful.

So. Here comes a list of disclaimers to get out of the way:

-I do not hate public school.

-I do not hate traditional education.

-I do not think I could ever be a teacher commanding a class, so if you are a certified teacher and are utterly confused as to why anyone without a teaching degree would think that they could take your place, know that I COULD NOT TAKE YOUR PLACE. I can (hopefully) teach my own three kids to read and write and maybe learn some history or how to maybe grow tomatoes. I could not command a classroom or deal with someone else's children on a regular basis. Bless it, you are awesome.

-I still do not own culottes. But we do still have the chickens.

My kids will finish up this school year and then we will begin homeschooling sometime this summer. My hope is that I will utilize this (poor, neglected) blog to record my experience. This is an adventure, folks. I know, to some, homeschooling sounds as exciting as dry toast, but, for me, following God's leading almost always results in some kind of adventure. I will be honest here, logging the good, the bad, the ugly. And the beautiful.

As I sort through the kids' curriculum and begin to create a framework for the summer, I still, at times, feel the familiar fear creep into my mind: What if I fail? 

You know what? I might. I just might fail at this. We might get to the end of this and have a good laugh, recalling that one time that Katie decided to homeschool and everyone ended up ripping out their hair and Katie had to be committed and the chickens ran away. But ... I don't think we will fail. There will be challenging days and great days and all kinds of days in between. I know that God has gone before us in this and regardless of what happens by the end of next year, it will be a success simply for the fact that we trusted, and we obeyed. And what joy there is in acquiescing to His plan. 

Praise be to God, Who continually draws us back to Him.

Have a lovely day.

School, yo.

A reader recently asked how we came to the decision to put Cub in a pre-3 program this year. The question comes in light of past posts that discuss education options, like homeschooling. I used homeschooling curriculum with Cub when he turned two and I loved it, so now the question comes as to why I chose to not continue in that route.

This is our approach: We take each year one year at a time. If something works one year, it doesn't necessarily mean it will work the next, and our ultimate goal is to continually reassess our options and make sure that our kids' needs are being met in what we feel is the best way possible. Rather than swearing to one type of educational method or another, we're going more with the belief that our kids grow and change and therefore their needs grow and change. Maybe they'll stick with one way and it will work great. What's most important to us is that we are plugged into their education and proactive in their learning.

I never thought that I would put my kids in preschool, especially a pre-3 program. My intention was to keep them home with me until they absolutely had to be in school (if we were not homeschooling), which would be kindergarten. I love having them with me. Then as spring rolled around last year, I began to get a feeling about Cub being in school.

Yes, a feeling. Super scientific, right?

I can't really explain it. I love having Cub home with me. And yet I felt this growing desire for him to have this experience. It was hard for me to recognize that my desire for him to be home and my desire for him to get the opportunity to go to an early preschool program didn't have to conflict with each other. Sending him to school didn't mean I didn't want him home. It meant that I wanted him to have this experience and that I felt that he was ready. Simple as that. There is a private Christian school in our town that offers pre-3 two days a week. For us, the school had to be a Christian school. In these early years especially, we are not comfortable having Cub in a school that does not adhere to Biblical teaching and, thankfully, we have been blessed with the option of sending him to a really great school. After reading the curriculum and having discussions with parents who have sent their kids there, my husband and I felt that this would be the best option for Cub.

We love that he will get to make new friends his age (most of his friends are younger or older). We love that he will be exposed to new kinds of learning. We love the order and constant movement of his day. We love that he will go to chapel. His teacher is kind, assertive, and communicative. Best of all, Cub loves it, too (so far).

Does this mean we'll never homeschool? No. The co-op I would want to join begins taking students after they turn four, so if by next year we feel that this is what we are being called to, we'll start taking steps in that direction. If not, we'll keep him where he is, if he loves it. One year at a time. For now, we're excited about this school year for Cub.

And there you have it!

Have a lovely day.

Homeschmooly.

I appreciated all of the feedback from my schooling post. It's a tough decision to make. I was quite resolute about certain things before I had Cub--actually, I should say, before Cub was a toddler. Toddlerhood has opened up a new world of learning for him and I love that I get to be a part of it; something I wasn't expecting. Homeschooling has always been the last thing on my mind. In fact, I have several friends who homeschool who love to tease me about it. They would nudge me to at least try it and I would roll my eyes, and thusly the joke would continue. But, as Cub has gotten older, the idea of teaching him at home while he is young kept popping up in my mind. I tried pushing it away--trust me. But, the thought kept coming, so I finally surrendered to it and ordered some curriculum so we could dip our toe, very cautiously, into the very intimidating waters of homeschooling, while he is still very young. Why not give it a try, right? Plus, there is an awesome homeschool co-op in our area so I know that if we decided to really do it, we would have a great network to join.

I'm going to go ahead and dispel some misconceptions or stereotypes right off the bat, just so you can know my heart and where I'm coming from in all of this. Some of it relates to homeschooling, but all of it relates to schooling in general.

1) The Need For Speed

I know of parents who want their kid to be the brainiac of the class, so they begin cramming their little head with information at a young age in hopes that their Einstein will be a shining star by the time they step into preschool. Let me go ahead and say that is not my ambition. I am following Cub's lead with this schooling thing. He just loves to learn. We're just getting into phonics and he asks to do it every day, several times a day. So, we do it! It's just the way he is. Naomi might (and probably will) be completely different, and that's great! I'll follow her lead the way I'm following his. If he gets frustrated or sick of it, we'll take a break.

2) Shelter From The Storm

The obvious homeschool stereotype is a very sheltered kid. I will not say that my desire is to shelter my kid, but I will say that I am honestly trying to decide what my role should be with him at this tender of an age. My friend Devi put it best as a comment to my original schooling post: One thing is for certain - I refuse to hand my small children -- emphasis on SMALL -- over to someone who teaches them unBiblical things. I wanted to jump through the screen and give her a high-five. That's exactly how I feel. This age is precious, impressionable, and overwhelmingly important in the creation of the foundational principles that will ultimately shape Cub's belief system. I know that people believe that children should be put in school to be, say, salt and light, but I have to ask, at what age are they supposed to be held to such a responsibility? Children are to honor their father and mother. That is their Biblical charge. If I can create a safe boundary for my small children -- emphasis on SMALL -- then I am going to do it. Again, I'm not sure what that will look like, but I am definitely praying that I will stay open-minded to all possibilities.

3) Geek

Okay. The anti-social thing. I know. Let me just put it this way: Kids mostly turn out like their parents. They just do. Sure, there are anti-social homeschoolers. Just like there are anti-social kids in public schools and private schools.

If you know me, then "anti-social" is probably the last word that comes to mind. Which means my kiddos will be busy with friends, no matter where they are.

Just some food for thought. :)

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I'm not sure where I will be with schooling in two years. Cub might be starting preschool. If it is within our means, then he might be starting in a private Christian preschool. Ideally, we'll homeschool for a little while. If these next two years of mini-homeschooling turn out to be hilariously impossibly ridiculous and we cannot afford to send him to a Christian preschool or school, then he will go in public school, although at this point I do not see that happening. I have several friends who are educators in public schools and they are awesome. But my early childhood education was spent in a small private school, and I feel compelled to give Cub that same kind of opportunity (whether it's at a school or a homeschool co-op) while he is young. As he gets older, we'll take each year as it comes. That's when the salt and light come in.

Just like we do now--one step at a time.

Have a lovely day!

Public, Private, Home.

: I spent seven years in private school.

: Six years in public school.

: And four years at a private college.

: I just ordered some homeschool curriculum for Cubbie and I to do together.

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What kind of school did you grow up in?

And will you do (or do you already do) the same for your child?

(It's okay if you're not sure yet.)

(I'm not.)

Have a lovely day!